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Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, January 18

Thank You Michael!

Today, January 18 in 
1788 The first English settlers arrived in Australia's
Botany Bay to establish a penal colony. The group moved
north eight days later and settled at Port Jackson.

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Today's Bonehead Award: Glen Ellyn man charged with traveling to meet teen girl for sex __________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. --- Jane Wagner _____________________________________________ A man was doing a study of children's senses in a first- grade class using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave the children all the same kind of Lifesaver and asked them, "What is the flavor, and what color is it?" The children began to say, "Red . . . cherry . . . yellow . . lemon . .. lime . . . green . . . orange . . . orange." Finally, he gave them all honey Lifesavers. The children suck on them for a while, but can't decipher the taste. "Well," he said, "I'll give you a clue. It's what your mother would call your father." One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out, and yelled: "Everybody spit it out, they're assholes!" ________________________________________________` ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Bernardo Tello, 42, 42, Glen Ellyn Glen Ellyn man charged with traveling to meet teen girl for sex A Glen Ellyn man is facing felony charges after allegedly trying to meet a child for sex, authorities said. Bernardo Tello, 42, was charged with indecent solicitation of a child, aggravated criminal sexual abuse and traveling to meet a minor, according to the DuPage County sheriff’s office. Tello allegedly had sexually explicit online conversations with someone he though was a 14-year-old girl, the sheriff’s office said. He arranged to meet her at a restaurant, and allegedly intended to go home with her afterwards to have a sexual encounter, the sheriff’s office said. He was arrested shortly after arriving at the restaurant. Tello was also found to have an outstanding warrant from 1998 for theft, DUI and aggravated battery of a senior, the sheriff’s office said. A judge set Tello’s bail at $40,000 at a hearing Thursday, the sheriff’s office said.
DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Eloise Re: Fax Dear Webby Some time ago you mentioned a free FAX site, but I forgot the URL. Can you please mention it again? Thanks Eloise Dear Eloise I use Fast, reliable, and secure.They even send a confirmation request email to you, to make sure nobody else sends a fax pretending to be you. I highly recommend them! Have FUN! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally, they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way."
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A flying saucer was low on fuel, so it landed near a local gas station. On its side were the letters "UFO." The gas station attendant was stunned, but his curiosity got the best of him. "Does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?" he asked. "No," one of the other-worldly travelers responds. "It stands for 'Unleaded Fuel Only.' " ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Make Beef Patties Inside Ziploc Bag One way to shape your homemade beef patties is to place the seasoned meat in a ziplock bag and press and shape. They won't stick and it is definitely a less messy method. also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun ____________________________________________________
This Is Your Internet
___________________________________________________ SIGNS FOUND IN KITCHENS 1. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is delirious. 2. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. 3. A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house. 4. If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap. 5. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. 6. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. 7. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. 8. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life. 9. Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out. 10. Housework done properly can kill you. 11. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives. 12. My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines. ___________________________________________________ YOU'RE NO LONGER "COOL" WHEN....... 1. You find yourself listening to talk radio. 2. You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears. 3. The pattern on your shorts and couch match. 4. You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit. 5. You actually ASK for your father's advice. 6. You don't know how to operate a fax machine. 7. When someone mentions SURFING you picture waves and a surf board. 8. You remember the "Rolling Stones" as a rock group not a corporation. 9. You turn down free tickets to a concert because you have to work the next day. 10. You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your kid's new running shoes. 11. When jogging is something you do to your memory. 12. Rocking all night means dozing off in your rocking chair. ___________________________________________________ Seems this hillbilly came to town carrying a jug of moonshine in one hand and a shotgun in the other. He stopped a man on the street, saying to him: "Here, friend, take a drink outta my jug." The man protested, saying he never drank. Unimpressed, the hillbilly leveled his shotgun at the stranger and commanded: "Drink!" The stranger drank, shuddered, shook, shivered and coughed. "God! That's awful stuff!" "Ain't it, though?" replied the hillbilly. "Now here, you hold the gun on me while I take a swig." __________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today January 18 in
1778 English navigator Captain James Cook discovered the 
Hawaiian Islands, which he called the "Sandwich Islands."

1788 The first English settlers arrived in Australia's
Botany Bay to establish a penal colony. The group moved
north eight days later and settled at Port Jackson.

1871 Wilhelm, King of Prussia since 1861, was proclaimed the
first German Emperor.

1896 The Roentgen (x-ray) machine was exhibited to the
public for the first time.

1911 For the first time an aircraft landed on a ship. Pilot
Eugene B. Ely flew onto the deck of the USS Pennsylvania in
San Francisco harbor.

1919 The World War I Peace Congress opened in Versailles,

1939 Louis Armstrong and his orchestra recorded "Jeepers

1943 During World War II, the Soviets announced that they
had broken the Nazi siege of Leningrad, which had began in
September of 1941.

1943 U.S. commercial bakers stopped selling sliced bread.
Only whole loaves were sold during the ban until the end of
World War II.

1948 "The Original Amateur Hour" debuted. The show was on
the air for 22 years.

1950 The federal tax on oleomargarine was repealed.

1957 The first, non-stop, around-the-world, jet flight came
to an end at Riverside, CA. The plane was refueled in mid-
flight by huge aerial tankers.

1967 Albert DeSalvo, who claimed to be the "Boston
Strangler," was convicted in Cambridge, MA, of armed
robbery, assault and sex offenses. He was sentenced to life
in prison. Desalvo was killed in 1973 by a fellow inmate.

1972 Former Rhodesian prime minister Garfield Todd and his
daughter were placed under house arrest for campaigning
against Rhodesian independence.

1978 The European Court of Human Rights cleared the British
government of torture but found it guilty of inhuman and
degrading treatment of prisoners in Northern Ireland.

1985 Mary Decker broke a world, indoor record when she ran
the women’s, 2,000-meter race in 5:34.2. She also ran the
outdoor mile in 4:16.7.

1987 For the first time in history the Public Broadcasting
System (PBS) was seen by over 100 million viewers. The
audience was measured during the week of January 12-18.

1990 A jury in Los Angeles, CA, acquitted former preschool
operators Raymond Buckey and his mother, Peggy McMartin
Buckey, of 52 child molestation charges.

1990 In an FBI sting, Washington, DC, Mayor Marion Barry was
arrested for drug possession. He was later convicted of a

1991 Eastern Airlines shut down after 62 years in business
due to financial problems.

1993 The Martin Luther King Jr. holiday was observed in all
50 U.S. states for the first time.

1995 The "" domain was created.

1995 A network of caves were discovered near the town of
Vallon-Pont-d'Arc in southern France. The caves contained
paintings and engravings that were 17,000 to 20,000 years

1997 Hutu militiamen killed three Spanish aid workers and
three soldiers and seriously wound an American in a night
attack in NW Rwanda.

2000 The Chinese web services company Baidu, Inc. was
incorporated in Beijing.

2002 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced
the approval of a saliva-based ovulation test.

2012 Wikipedia began a 24-hour "blackout" in protest against
proposed anti-piracy legislation (S. 968 and H.R. 3261)
known as the Protect Intellectual Property Act (PIPA) in the
Senate and the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) in the House.
Many websites, including Reddit, Google, Facebook, Amazon
and others, contended would make it challenging if not
impossible for them to operate.

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